just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
