I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
