Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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