that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
