so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
