You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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