Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
