I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i think im in europe. pls send help
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
