you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Im part way to drunk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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