I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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