and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
