i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
