Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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