I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
