It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
