I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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