He had one of those small greek statue penises
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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