I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
