I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just high enough for therapy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
