Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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