she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
