fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
