If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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