At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
