i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
