I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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