I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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