he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
