My nipple is on Facebook.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
