We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
