it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
