I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
