at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
