I didn't shave. On purpose
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
