11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
