brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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