So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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