where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
