You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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