Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
