I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
