I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're like the curious george of whores
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need moral support for this bender
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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