I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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