The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
