It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
