chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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