this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
