goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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