I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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