went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
