Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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