he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love having hate sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
