hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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