the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
