You're completely useless in the revolution.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
