I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
