What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
