What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
