3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
