I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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