Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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