Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
