i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
