I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
