talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
