Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.