I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.