Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
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I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.